


Congratulations

by The_Elister



Category: Final Fantasy IV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Birthday, Fanwiki is my friend, Friendship, Gen, I Tried, I'm not from the Fandom, Oneshot, Out of Character, Swearing, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000, giftfic, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 11:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17406164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Elister/pseuds/The_Elister
Summary: Scarmiglione faces the horrors of being invited to Barbariccia's birthday.





	Congratulations

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fic except the plot and I make no money from it. Please don't sue me.  
> This fic literally is nothing special... it exists... I hope the formation works?  
> Anyway: Happy Birthday to my friend and sorry I didn't manage sooner.

Scarmiglione was brooding.  
Barbariccia’s birthday was going to be next week. Barbariccia’s birthday… was going to be… _next week!_ And she had invited him to her party!  
This in it itself was not a bad thing and also not the reason for Scarmiglione’s foul mood but the consequences of that invitation made him shudder. He liked Barbariccia and he also very much wanted to go to her party but because following her around the whole evening would get awkward very quickly, he eventually would have to talk to the others. He didn’t know exactly who those ‘others’ were because he had forgotten to ask, but he guessed Cagnazzo and Rubicante would come. He liked them too, how could he not, but there would be other others. He shuddered again. Sentient interaction. Disgusting.  
Another problem that came with being invited to the party was having to get a present. A present! He almost wished Barbariccia wouldn’t have invited him, or that he at least didn’t care about her. Then he could just give her anything. Like that one-year-old chocolate bar lying on the kitchen counter that he didn’t want to eat anymore but that he also didn’t want to throw away because _chocolate_.  
But noooo! He liked her and that meant he would have to search for a gift that she would at least not throw away right the moment she got it. That meant another horrible thing: Shopping. He shuddered again. And today was Saturday which made the whole thing even worse, because everybody would be out shopping today! But he scraped together all his courage and good will – as well as his money – and left his house.  
When going down the street and passing the house next to his he could see two people standing at the door. Cecil “That Fucker” Harvey and Rosa “That Bitch” Farrell. Happy couple and unbelievably annoying. He was surprised he didn’t hear any of the sappy love music they insisted on listening – usually turned up so loud he could still hear it in his room – or any of their I’m-a-12-year-old-virgin-giggling. How he hated them. He was sure he would snap one day and then would take pleasure in delivering them to the gates of hell.  
Having already gone over the problem in his mind for thousand times, he had several interesting methods to accomplish their painful ending. One of them would be to send the high school’s rock band in there after one of their parties when they really lived up to their name ‘The Undead’. He knew that out of firsthand-experience. For whatever reason, all the guys from the band liked him –more like followed every of his actions like he was one of the seven wonders of the world – and invited him, and none of the others, to every of their parties even though he always declined after the first time. ‘The Undead’ were the band that had practice before them so they eventually met every Thursday. “Hey Milon! Tomorrow at Geryon’s alright?” Perhaps, if he asked nicely and promised to come to one of their parties, they would do what he wanted and teach Cecil and Rosa a lesson.  
Weird dudes. But he guessed they thought just the same of him and ‘his’ band. ‘The Archfiends’ consisted of him, Barbariccia, Cagnazzo and Ruby and they were kind of good-ish. He didn’t even know why he was in the band, but one day, Golbez, some dude from his class he never spoken to bevor, had walked up to him and told him that the ‘Archfiends’ still needed a drummer and asked if he wanted to join. And now they were friends and Barbariccia had even invited him to her birthday party!  
Which led back to the matters at hand: a gift.  
What did Barbariccia like?  
She liked music. But she already owned all the CDs of her favorite band, and the rest she could just listen to on Youtube.  
So… what did she like?  
He guessed she also liked him, at least a bit, or she wouldn’t have invited him. Or did she just invite him because it would be impolite not to? He hoped not, but he also could not ‘gift’ himself, now could he? Nah, that would just be weird.  
But what else did she like?  
He didn’t know. He just didn’t know. Shit. What now? Scarmiglione pondered the question for a moment, staring straight ahead. What did girls generally like? Glittery stuff, right? Like necklaces, and earrings and stuff. He could get something like that for her! He even remembered that once one time, Barbariccia had worn a necklace. Yes, alright. Good plan.  
He made his way into the city center, looking for store where he could find necklace-ish thingies. Since he wasn’t an expert in that field anyway, he just went into the first shop he saw. And… there were many necklaces, like really really many. He had thought that would be easy. Get in, buy necklace, get out and be done with it. Now, he was close to calling “ABORT MISSION!” and actually going for that chocolate bar.  
He looked at some of them… Barbariccia did like colors, right? So, he would get a thing with colors.  
Hours upon hours Scarmiglione searched, trying to find a gift for his friend. They were all pretty and somehow looked all the same but not and he still didn’t know what Barbariccia liked. In the end, exhausted and close to brain death, he settled for a silver one with the tree of live as a pendant, that had its leaves made out of rainbow-colored stones.  
That had actually gone surprisingly well. He didn’t dare imagine what would have happened, had he not found a gift in this store and instead had to go into another one. He was actually proud of himself, even though it had taken quite a long time and he had to constantly ignore some girls in the corner – they were calling him cute, he knew he was small but not that small. Sometimes he wished he was Cagnazzo with his abs or Ruby with his biceps. Those dudes were fucking massive. It was just unfair, that they looked like this and he was this heap of something vaguely humanoid.  
Going back home, carefully carrying the bag with the necklace, he already went over the next problem in his head: What to wear. He was not really one to dress to impress, he preferred wearing clothes that actually fitted and were comfortable but he did not want to arrive at Barbariccia’s house like a clump of dirt fallen of somebody’s shoe sole. He would have to choose what to put on now, so he didn’t accidently wear it bevor and got it dirty. Technically, the decision shouldn’t be that hard, because all of his robes were of the same color, but they also were not.  
While going over that in his head, he had reached his room and placed his purchase at his desk. Opening his wardrobe, Scarmiglione hissed. “Notthhhing to wear!” He laid out all of his robes on the bed. He had five robes in total, four lying bevor him and the one he already wore. He looked at them. Which one should he choose? He normally only switched between three of them, since one of them was to short – it stopped halfway down his shins – and the other was to long, making him trip constantly and make a fool of himself. He put those two back into the wardrobe, he wouldn’t wear the anyway.  
He looked at the robes that were left. One of them was a bit darker than the other. Though that could not really be true, could it? Perhaps the other was just lighter than the this one? Yes, the other one was old, so its lighter color came most likely from being washed out… But this one was still too dark for his tastes! He made an unhappy sound. But he also couldn’t wear the old one, because it was old! Life was gruesome. And the one he was wearing? He would have to wash it beforehand, and he tried to avoid washing whenever he could. He stared and pondered and stared some more. Fuck it! He would wear the old one! Barbariccia was his friend, she knew him, she knew what he normally wore and she wouldn’t care. At least he hoped that.  
Having decided this, Milon put everything back into his wardrobe, and turned back to his desk. He would need to wrap his gift. He didn’t have wrapping paper. Well, fuck. Should have bought it when he was in the city, but he didn’t. He also didn’t want to go get it now – or any time really. Alright, so he wouldn’t wrap it, that was a waste of paper and time anyway.  
During next week, he met his ‘Archfiends’ and, every time he did so – at least when Barbariccia wasn’t nearby – he asked what the other two would get her for her Birthday and every time they responded with “I don’t know yet” and every time he was proud of himself for already having one and a really pretty one at that.  
Saturday, the day of Barbariccia’s party, Milon was super jittery since waking up. Barbariccia’s birthday was today! And he was invited to the party! He tried to keep calm, but well, he tried he failed. What if she doesn’t like the present? Well, it was to late now.  
In the evening, he got dressed, took the necklace in its tiny bag and went over to Barbariccia’s house. He rang the doorbell, waited. And then, the door opened and she greeted him with a friendly:” Hey! What’s up? Ruby’s already here. Well then, come in!” And Scarmiglione just stretched out his hands, offering the present to her and said: “Congratulationsss for being born. I’m glad you made it”  
…  
…  
…  
“You do know I hate necklaces, right?”

**Author's Note:**

> Headcanon why the Undead like Milon:  
> a) they think he's a drug dealer  
> b) Milon does a horribly good drum solo and they worship him now


End file.
